Food Stuff Consumption And Miscellany

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

1 "everything" bagel (plain)
sm coffee (light/sweet)
1 sausage/egg/cheese on longroll breakfast sandwich
lg coffee (light/sweet)
2 sm-med "vegetable wraps"
2 pints of lager
1 bag of "cheez-it" baked snack crackers (net wt. 1.5 oz.)
2 pints of lager (same location)
1 kaiser roll
sm container of nacho cheese dip (net wt. 1 oz.)
pack of cigarettes



someone's overheard conversation regarding jdate:

We squeezed into our table, and almost immediately noticed that the couple to my left was speaking about their JDate experiences.

I do not believe this couple was an actual couple, or that they were even on a date, because the guy spoke freely and unapologetically about using Jdate as a source of one-time hookups. The girl agreed that if she were going on a Jdate just for fun, she would sleep with the guy on the first date, but if she really liked him, she would wait. The guys said, "I haven't meant anyone on Jdate I liked enough for that. For me, it's just a one-night-stand thing."

Then he started complaining how many of the girls he had met and slept with through Jdate tried contacting him for future dates, and this annoyed him. He complained that many of the girls he meant through Jdate had curly hair. He hated curly hair. One time, he dated a girl with what he described as "natural" hair. He liked her. They went on a few dates, but then he found out she really had curly hair but had been blowing it out straight. This horrified him, and they broke up. "And I hate a girls who wear makeup."

"A lot of girls wear makeup," the girl said. "It's not that big a deal. I'm wearing makeup right now."

"Yeah, but you're hardly wearing any makeup."

"No, I'm wearing a nice amount of makeup. I would say I'm definitely wearing makeup, and it's a nice amount of makeup."

"Well, I didn't notice. I don't like it when you notice that a girl is wearing makeup. Or that she blow dries her hair. You don't blow dry your hair, do you?"

"I blow dry my hair."

"But you don't blow dry it all the time."

"I pretty much blow dry it all the time."

"But you don't blow dry it straight do you? Your hair is naturally straight."

"My hair is a little wavy. It's not curly. But I definitely blow dry it. And when I do, I blow dry it out straight."

After hitting this rough patch, they began to talk about past relationships. Brian and I sat mesmerized by the conversation, unable to talk, unable to do anything else but listen. And occasionally text each other about the horror we were feeling.

It turns out the girl had been married before, but was now single. The guy's longest relationship had gone on for two years, and this is with a girl who was ten years her junior. I started to do the math, but the girl made things easy. She said, "Well, you're 38 now. Things have changed a lot for you."

The guy spoke equivocally about his ex-girlfriend. He said, "She was very immature."

The girl said, "You mean she was socially awkward?"

"No. She was very socially tuned-in. She was very savvy. She just didn't know a lot."

"You mean she wasn't very bright?"

"No, she was brilliant. And very savvy."

"Did she not dress well?"

"No. She dressed amazing. It's just that she didn't know anything. She knew some things. But there were other things that she just didn't know. And it was always irritating."

Just then a new song came on. Brian leaned in and whispered to me that it was a band we liked — the Silver Jews. Ten seconds later, the guy said, "Hear this song?" He pointed up. "What band is this?"

The girl looked at him blankly. "It's a band called the Silver Jews. She would have know that."

The girl said, "I've never heard of them. I know classic rock. Ask me anything about classic rock. I'll be able to answer you. I'm an expert on Classic Rock. Pink Floyd. Led Zeppelin...."

They talked about Zeppelin 4 for a bit, but then were back to JDating, which is when I heard about one of the weirdest dating hang-ups ever. The guy said, "I went on two dates with her, and I like her, but I don't think we can go out again."

The girl said, "What's the problem? Is she too clingy?"

He said, "Not really. It's just that ... she told me that every Sunday she does philanthropy."

"Wha?

"You know. She does things for charities. Every Sunday."

"I think that's nice."

"It may be nice, but don't tell me about it."

"Why not?"

"It's not sexy. I can't think of anything less sexy than doing community service."

"I think it's nice that she spends her Sundays doing community service."

"I don't care that she does it. She just shouldn't tell anyone. I mean, not on a date. That's so unsexy. Community service is NOT SEXY. I don't think I can date her again."

"I'd love it if I guy I was dating did community service."

"I can't ever see her again. It's just too gross 'I do community service.' Gross."

After we left the restaurant, I had the desire to alert JDate that we had met their biggest douche bag.

posted by Hackmuth on the SJBB